Long time no see..

...for want of a witty post-title.

Wow, is it really April since I last posted?

What have I been up to?

Well, I've lectured at our local Bible college on spiritual abuse, I've preached at our church about 'Oaks of Righteousness', I've been looking after Grandma more often because my mum's been poorly, hubby after he had his gallbladder operation, and then he was looking after me when I caught what was most likely an E Coli bug that I am still recovering from.

The girls have both finished school now for the summer holidays. Yay!  Squidge has finished primary school for good, she's 11 now and will be starting high school in September.  She was so emotional leaving primary school as all her friends are going to a different high school.  I must say I got a little emotional too, my baby is growing up far too fast.

So some rest is in order.  I need to get healthy after this bug and to just get right and enjoy my time with my girls.

Resting, B Higham

Then I have numerous jobs around the house that needs doing.  Sort out the garden. Reorganise our filing.  Sort out some drawers that are just full of stuff.  Tidy out a cupboard that is full of boxes that I haven't gone through properly since we moved house.

I'm hoping to do some blogging too.

:)

Crafty

I was blessed with a number of plants this Christmas.  The Poinsettias came in regular brown pots and I didn't have anything to put them in, so I've decorated them all Christmassy.

This one was in a basket, but I thought it needed jazzing up a bit.

The next two came in rather nice pots, so I didn't need to change anything.  Does anyone know what the white flowers are in these two?  The flowers in the second pot are much bigger but seem to be of the same variety.

Chatterbox is upstairs with the flu, poor thing she was so feverish last night, I was a little worried.  She is still hot this morning but not as bad and is a little more cheerful.

Squidge has been busy in the meantime.

She is teaching herself to knit here.  It involves a great deal of getting very cross and frustrated and I'm not allowed to help! :)

I'll get my latest two Advent posts up later on today.  I must get on we have a dentist appointment.

Happy Homemaker Monday/Daybook Online Journal - 22nd December

Just a little change from my Jesse Tree series of devotions for Advent that I've been posting...are you impressed though that - apart from being late with a couple - I've managed to keep up with it!? *pleased with self*

I came across this at a blog called The Littlest Way and thought I'd join in with her Daybook Online Journal along with Sandra's Happy Homemaker Monday because some of the prompts are very similar. :)

The weather outside is...

Windy, damp and fairly mild for this time of the year.  It's about 10°C (50°F)

On the breakfast plate this morning...

Raisin loaf with cinnamon spread with butter and golden syrup...mmmmm.

As I look outside my window...

I am distressed by the garden...we moved here in November and it's just been too rainy to do anything about it.  It's rather overgrown and the grass is 90% moss, but I've got a summer house! Yay!

Right now I am...

Writing this post...getting frustrated with my camera because my pictures keep coming out blurred even though I have the vibration adjust wobby-hand thing set.

Listening to…

The ticking of the clock in the kitchen.  Chatterbox humming upstairs.

Currently Reading…

1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp and Exodus in the Bible.  It's my second time of reading 1000 Gifts and I'll do a review after Christmas.

In the Kitchen/On the Menu This Week/New Recipe…

No fires...hopefully...which, with my cooking, is always a bonus.  Probably will do pasta bake tonight for tea (NB: for the uninitiated when I say 'tea' in reference to a meal it refers to the evening meal, this is an expression used by people from the North of England who are generally of working class descent).
When I say 'tea' as in a drink I mean...well...tea.

As I Look Around the House…

I see lots of things that need changing...like the awful curtains and light fittings we were blessed with when we moved into this house.  We're going out later to get a curtain pole for the living room to put up some nicer curtains.  But I love my new house.  Here's a pic of the living room/dining room which is all one room (I'll do the rest of the house when I have time), and some pics of the countryside just up the street.

Blogging station and Boots - she still hasn't settled in this house, very nervous.

On Today's To Do List...

Buy curtain rail.
Buy bathroom sealant (I'm convinced the shower is leaking).
Buy slats for Squidge's bed which she's managed to break.
Laundry.
Ironing.
Run the vacuum around.
Get the girls to clean out the guinea pigs.


On the TV Today...

Just watched Cinderella Story with the girls.
Want to watch Expendables 3 (I'm a sucker for cheesy action-man films).

The Week Ahead…

Christmas!!  Never move house just before Christmas...just sayin...

Captured/Favourite Photo from the Camera…

Boot's toes

Praying for…

Sick family and friends, there's so much going around at the moment.  We've had our fair-share too.

Pondering…

The things that need doing around the house.

In Our Domestic Church…

Our Jesse Tree daily (ahem read 'usually' daily) devotions.

So there we are Happy Monday!

I want to know him. Day 13 Advent.

Now I've caught up on the Jesse Tree series...huzzah...see also It's OK to Fail because He never does and Drawn Close to God for the other two.

Scripture:

4 So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. 5 They said to him, ‘You are old, and your sons do not follow your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have.’

6 But when they said, ‘Give us a king to lead us,’ this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the Lord. 7 And the Lord told him: ‘Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king'.- 1 Samuel 8

Name of Jesus: King
Symbol: Crown

Devotional: 

‘Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king'

This is prophetic. Hear what the people said to Pilate about Jesus

But they shouted, ‘Take him away! Take him away! Crucify him!’
‘Shall I crucify your king?’ Pilate asked.
‘We have no king but Caesar,’ the chief priests answered. - John 19:5

These people didn't know Christ was King...if they had truly known Him they wouldn't have rejected Him.  The chief priests were threatened by Him, they wanted to be in control and so they bowed their heads to the one who allowed them control over their religious realm - Caesar.  I believe the people rejected Christ as King because He didn't look like what they expected a king to be and He certainly didn't overthrow the Romans like they hoped.  And so, those voices that sang Hosanna as He rode into Jerusalem were soon crying out, "Crucify him!"  They were disappointed because they expected the Messiah to be a warrior.

But Christ is a warrior.  But He is also a Lamb.  The Lion and the Lamb.  He is conqueror, but He is also the rejected King.

I wonder if any of those who shouted, "Crucify him!" were amongst those 500 who saw Him after the resurrection?  I wonder what they did?

But the issue here for me is knowing Him.  The more I know Him, the more I trust Him as King over my life and the less likely I am to reject His ways or bow down to the modern Caesars.  We only freely follow someone we trust.

Oh Lord, may the eyes of my heart be fully opened that I may know You.  To know You deep in my heart.  That I may trust You implicitly.

Until that day Lord, strengthen me each moment in You.  You are my strength and my Redeemer.

Come Lord Jesus!

Happy Advent!

Book Review: Take Back Your Life

4 stars

This book is written primarily for those who are recovering from cults and abusive relationships, but also for those who have friends and family members who are in cults or abusive relationships to help them understand what is going on. I was personally interested in it because I was brought up in a rather cultish church and I could certainly identify with a great deal that the authors wrote about.

It's an excellent read, easy to follow but very indepth. Although it does cover abusive one-to-one relationships briefly, its main content is directed at those who are cult survivors (who are basically in an abusive relationship with a group or the leader of a group). It doesn't just look at the experiences of those who have come from relgious cults, but also from family cults, new age cults, eastern cults, political cults, psychotherapy cults and even marketing cults.

I found it very helpful to identify how I perceive boundaries and how I allow other people's emotions (or my perception of other people's emotions) to control my thinking and behaviour. It helped me to see that this kind of thinking is merely indoctrination and is not necessarily part of my natural personality. That was a rather freeing discovery.

The book also has useful indictors of what a cult is and how normal, healthy, intelligent people can be indoctrinated and 'brain-washed' by cults and cult leaders. It answers the age old question that cult survivors ask and interested parties ask: If it was so bad and so damaging and so controlling, why didn't I/you just leave?

Towards the end of the book, the authors look at helpful and unhelpful counselling. This is an important aspect of cult recovery. A cult survivor really doesn't need another 'guru' to control or 'guide' them in any way - even a well-meaning counsellor. The client/therapist relationship should be one of equals and must progress as the client is ready. The book describes the possible pitfalls of certain types of counselling and warns that some counsellors may not understand enough about cult dynamics to be helpful. It then gives tips to finding a good therapist/counsellor.

Overall a very good book. My only real criticism is that I think it would be better to have dealt with one-to-one abusive relationships in a separate book, that section felt rushed. Although, on the other hand, I did find it helpful to look at how a cult is really just like an abusive relationship. I particularly enjoyed reading the survivors stories that were included. In all, a very interesting read.

Happy Homemaker Monday - 15th September 2014

For more Happy Homemaker Mondays visit Sandra!

Breakfast time....what is on the plate this morning::::

This morning I had blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, Greek yogurt, linseed and granola.  Mmmm.  With a glass of apple juice and a black coffee.

On today's to do list::::

Go to grandma's whilst she has a shower and do her cleaning.
Helping Dad with decorating at their house.
Grocery shopping.
Taking Squidge to gymnastics and Chatterbox to her church youth group.

Currently reading::::

'Why, Despite Everything, Christianity can still make Surprising Emotional Sense' by Francis Spufford.

I've just finished 'Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes' by E. Randolph Richards and Brandon J. O'Brien, and 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp.  I'm hoping to do some Good Reads reviews, if I get time, and I'll post them here.

On the TV today::::

A History of Britain with Simon Schama and old episodes of NCIS.

The weather outside is::::

Very damp.

If I have a few minutes to myself, I will::::

Read! Yay!  Do some Good Reads reviews.


In the garden::::

Too damp to do anything today.  But I'm just trying to keep it tidy for when the new people move in, so nothing new being done.

Favourite photo[s] from the camera::::

Photos from our holiday in Devon.  I was playing around with 'Dramatic' setting on my camera.  I got some nice ol' spooky photos. :)

St Nicholas's church in Ringmore, Shaldon.  A 13th century chapel.

The obligatory yew tree found in ye olde churchyards in England.

A cottage in the village

Kingswear Castle on Dartmouth River

Eagle Owl, part of a falconry display at Powderham Castle

A stag at Powderham

Sunset view from our cottage garden

View towards our cottage, you can see the thatched roof at the end.

Homemaking Tip::::

Don't sweat the small stuff.  You're making a home not a mausoleum to display your stuff.

Visiting with Blog friends (blog you want to share, blog post that caught your eye)::::

Nothing off the top of my head right now. :)  Read lots of lovely stuff, but can't remember where LOL

Praying for::::

Moving house.  There's so much to do and the process is so slow.  Praying that all will go smoothly and that our new home will be very blessed.

My Mum who's suffering with her poly-myalgic-rheumatica.

My granddad.

My grandma who's seemed under-the-weather recently.

Some friends of ours who have asked for prayer.

That Scotland with stay in the union!


Bible Verse, Devotional that is resonating with me at the moment::::

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ~ Philippians 4:5

Unveiling

He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. ~Daniel 2:22

Sometimes we live with the shadow of something for so long it seems so large it consumes our sight, but when our eyes are unveiled and it is brought into the light for inspection how small it becomes.

I've been reading a book I've had on my shelf for some time called 'Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships' by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias.  As I read I started to make a list of unhealthy boundaries I have that are a result of being part of a cultish church for most of my life using this book as a prompt.

As I made this list I wrote the following:

• Being unable to separate my needs from those of others;
• Assuming responsibility for the feelings and behaviour of another;
• Other people's actions and attitudes tend to determine how I respond;
• I am afraid of other's feelings (e.g. anger, disappointment), and that determines what I say and do.

It was like scales fell from my eyes and I could see again.  This isn't me, this isn't who I am, this is a construct!

I am oversensitive to other people's feelings and I immediately take responsibility for them. I hadn't realised I did that.  It was so normal to do it.  It was such a normal part of my every day life that I didn't know I did it.

Often I would say to G, "I can tell he's annoyed", or "I can tell she's disappointed."  And he couldn't see it.  Maybe I'm more discerning I reasoned. (LOL)

I have learned already in the past year that I am not a disappointment to God, that I don't let Him down, instead it is Jesus who is holding me up.  But the disappointment of others still crushed me, I didn't know why I cared so much.  I could see it in their faces and could hear it in their tone.  I would react to placate or even react in anger at the slightest hint that someone was disappointed - even if that disappointment was nothing to do with me.

Disappointment is bad.  It was drummed into me.  Expectations on the chuch members of my old church were high, we were responsible for the feelings of others. If someone was lonely it was our fault, if someone was sad it was our fault, if someone was sick it was our fault, if the church attendance was falling it was our fault, if the kingdom of God wasn't 'being built' it was our fault.  Fault. Fault. Fault.

All those years where I 'knew' whether God was pleased with me by watching the reaction to things on the Pastor's face or straining to detect pleasure or disappointment in his voice.

The time my husband and I arrived late to a small service of less than 20 at church and the Pastor preached angrily about people turning up at church late.  Afterwards the Pastor was so sorry, but God made him preach it, the poor Pastor, "It's OK," I soothed, wanting to make him feel better.

Those myriad of times that Pastor said that it was our fault people weren't healed - we weren't 'one' enough (in total union of agreement in thought and deed with the preached 'word').  He would weep and get angry.  I wanted to make him feel better about it.

If someone died.  Well.  The Pastor would rant angrily how he was sick of people dying.  It was our fault again.  I should be able to control death.  It's my fault again.

When during one-to-one meetings the Pastor would put his hand to his face and sigh deeply because I wasn't living up to expectations due to anxiety or depression.  Even worse I was a disappointment because I took tablets for my depression, I didn't trust God enough to heal.

God is disappointed in me because the Pastor is - this was my subconscious link.  Now even though I knew God wasn't disappointed in me, but He was holding me up, seeing disappointment or anger in other produced this visceral reaction in me, I wanted, needed, to make it better.  I couldn't bear it.  I would itch to make it better.  Striving again.

Disappointment wasn't a normal part of everyday life, but it was a MAJOR EVENT! I must work hard to prevent it at all costs!

It was during our holiday in Devon (I will share lots of pics soon, it was a great holiday!) that I read 'Take Back Your Life' and realised how this attitude was like breathing to me, I did it without even thinking about it!

One day, G, my hubby, wanted to watch an air show.  There would be various planes from history there and a number of acrobatic displays.  He was quite excited about it.  The caretaker of the cottage said that he knew a good place to watch the air show from without actually going into the very busy little town where it was being held.  We decided this was a good idea and went up there to watch.

Well, it was so far away you could hardly see most of the planes.  G was so disappointed, I could see it in his face. I squirmed.  I wanted to put it right.  But it was too late, there was nothing we could do.  I took immediate responsibility for his disappointment.  I kept checking his face for signs of the disppointment.  I itched to make it right.  I had to...

Revelation.  It isn't my fault.  It sounds so stupid, that I take responsibility for things that aren't my fault.  But now that I've seen it.  Now that I know that I do it, it's like a light has come on.  What loomed so large is small and ridiculous.

That realisation set me free that afternoon.  I could enjoy the day even though someone was disappointed.

I have not fully overcome it, I keep tripping up, but I know it now, I can see it.

Another baby step on the journey.

It's OK to fail.