Suffering

The north wind made the vikings
~ Scandanavian proverb

Suffering makes us dig in, suffering shapes us like a storm shapes a tree.  Wind makes a tree stronger, and suffering makes us stronger. Suffering reveals our weaknesses, it makes us let go of self and be more reliant on God.  It makes us understand when others suffer, suffering knocks off our corners.


Sometimes suffering can be overwhelming, it clouds us, it surrounds us like a storm at sea there seems no way out, we are tossed here and there.

We know that we will have trouble in this world.  We know we ought to be cheerful for Jesus has overcome the world - but it is so hard to live this out when we are in the middle of the storm.  Hold on tight though, don't let the storm consume you. You are hidden in the cleft of the Rock. Rest in the shadow of the Almighty as the storm rages around. Rest in Jesus as he sleeps in the boat during the storm knowing that God can do anything - even still the storm.  He will carry you through.

Our God understands.  He understands because he suffered too, he suffered more than any man who ever lived.  The suffering, sin, sickness and pain of this world was laid upon him.

Does this mean, though, that we ought to just give up in trying circumstances? Not at all.

Jesus cried out to God in the Garden of Gesthemene, he asked God that the cup might pass from him.  Yes, it is OK to cry out to God, to ask him to take away our suffering...but we also need to trust that God sees the bigger picture and like Jesus say, "But only if it is in your will to do so".  He endured the suffering knowing that there was joy ahead - the redemption of mankind to God, the returning of the lost sons and daughters of God.

It is OK to try to find a way out of suffering too, we don't have to just lie down, Paul appealed to the authorities - to Caesar.  It is OK to try to escape from danger - as Paul did in that basket as, Moses did too in his own little basket.  But if the suffering still comes, if there seems no way out we can end up in despair, but don't.

God sees everything, he knows how our circumstances shape us.  You see, we are so overwhelmed by the storm that we cannot see the land ahead.  But God can, and he can turn the worst of circumstances around.

If Joseph hadn't upset his brothers by his dreams and his coat of many colours, he wouldn't have been thrown into the pit and then sold into slavery by his own brothers, if his brothers hadn't sold him into slavery he wouldn't have been taken to Egypt, if he hadn't been taken to Egypt he wouldn't have been falsely accused of attempted rape, if he hadn't been accused of attempted rape he wouldn't have been thrown in prison, if he hadn't been thrown in prison he wouldn't have interpreted the dreams of two men, if he hadn't interpreted the dreams of the two men he wouldn't have been brought to Pharoah to interpret his dream, if he hadn't interpreted Pharoah's dream, he wouldn't have been made governor.

There is more to the story of course, but here we see how a set of circumstances that Joseph's brothers meant for evil, which led to the most awful suffering, God turned around to good and Joseph's actions as governor ended up saving his family from famine and death.  Joseph must have felt in the deepest despair, how did his life that was once so wonderful turn out so badly? But God had plans for him beyond his wildest dreams.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

~ Romans 8:28

The post that almost never was...

Oh my.  You know those sort of blog posts that you spend ages on, but they niggle you and you're not sure why.  And then you realise that in writing it you're pointing out the specks in someone else's eyes whilst tripping over the plank in your own.

I was writing about outward appearance and how God is interested in our hearts, but in the middle of writing a post about how other people like to look righteous with their slogan t-shirts and car bumper stickers I suddenly realised how much I am concerned about how righteous/humble/authentic/real I appear to people by writing blog post about how other people like to appear righteous by their slogan/bumper stickers! Ahhh, the irony. *sigh*

I'll share the last bit of the post though, because I still like it: :)

Then I thought about Jesus, because everything comes back to him really.  I'm supposed to be his follower, so what does his life teach me?

Jesus was approachable, he could have come in a blaze of glory displaying his righteousness like a banner with everyone falling at his feet in wonder at his glory which is rightly his in all eternity, instead the King of the Universe when he lived as a man had only one set of simple clothes, he was homeless, his mode of transport was his feet and occasionally a young donkey, as a baby he was cradled in a feed trough and born to a woman not yet married, he didn't care that people called him names for befriending prostitutes and tax collectors because he cared more about the people than his image, he touched the untouchable diseased, he washed the dirty sweaty feet of his disciples, he called his betrayer 'friend', and he forgave those who spat in his face who lashed him to the brink of death and then crucified him.

It wasn't his bumper sticker that told people who he was, it wasn't his clothes, it wasn't his blog post, it was his life.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. ~ 1 Peter 3:3-4 ESV

Revelation Song

Love this song. So uplifting.

Transition

Our church joined in with a multi-church meeting on Sunday morning.  It was good to see so many Christians together, some many different denominations joined by their corporate love for Jesus. But as I've said recently, I'm not coping well with church.

Someone spoke before we took communion, she talked too long for me, I was lost in the multitude of words. One thing caught me though, I couldn't hear anything else.  I just kept repeating it in my mind, like a mantra to stop me falling into a panic again.

"He was broken so we could be made whole".

"Lord I want to be whole".

Afterwards, wanting a bit of space, I decided to go to the loo.  Squidge wanted to come with me. When we came down again though it was chaos.  All the children were going off to different meeting rooms.

"Primary school age?" I was asked.

"Yes".

"Come with me so that Mummy doesn't have to climb those stairs", said one man to Squidge.

This tips me over the edge. *Panic* I don't know this man.

So I smile and ask Squidge if she's OK, but go with her to the children's meeting room. *Relief* I know some of the children there, Squidge will be fine.

Of course, by the time I get back downstairs to the main meeting I want to run away, but I go back in and find G again.  The preacher talks for a long time.  Something about holiness, something about church unity, something about something.  I can't hear it though, because I'm too much in my head trying to hold it together until he finishes.

Straight afterwards I want to go.  I've got to get out.

"Lord, I can't do this anymore, I can't do church anymore".

We came home and I went and hid in our bedroom and wept.  Why am I like this?  My old church has damaged me so deeply.  I want to rage at them. I want to tell them the pain they've caused me and so so many others.  I want them to understand that people need Jesus, not rules, not following a leader, Jesus!

I can only cope with Jesus right now. Nothing else.

~I am accepted in the Beloved~

Then I read something at (in)courage that has moved me so much, it was like it was written for me right where I am.  I could hear God's quiet voice through the writing..."I am with you."

~ The Middle: When Pushing Through Brings Joy. by Stephanie Bryant~

"Most of us prefer being shot out of our starting blocks for a new adventure. Or rounding the corner to see the finish line with high fives from close friends. It’s the moment we wait for. At the finish we know that the sweat, the mind games, the times we thought it would never happen were well worth it. We finally hear well done.

The middle is the part most us don’t want to talk about. It’s not glamorous. It’s hard.
The middle is the reason most don’t finish.
But the middle is the secret to the joy that seems to elude us.
This is where love is born. . . right in the middle."

Stephanie Bryant then compares this to transition in labour:

The contractions and first stage of labor can last a few hours to almost a day. Then there is a time of transition to second stage. The transition is where most women want to give up. They say ‘It’s too hard. I don’t want to do this. It hurts too bad.’  Crying, emotional meltdowns and even confusion can occur.

I remember transition in both my labours.  You do feel that panic, that confusion - you want to give up.  But when the baby is born...such inexpressible joy.  Such peace floods your soul when that little one is placed in your arms.

~I'm in transition.~

Leaving that church last year was painful, but I felt anticipation.  Anticipation for the path that the Lord had set before me.  I could see it ahead.  A little like a mother knowing that she is expecting but there is no obvious physical evidence that she is pregnant, but knowing that there is something amazing to look forward to.  I've had my ups and downs throughout, but right now I feel I can't do it anymore.

~I'm in transition.  Joy is within reach.~

My scars run so deep.  So much deeper than I thought they did.  God has taken away so much rubbish.  Shown me the lies I was taught.  Each layer peeled back revealed more nonsense, more bad teaching that needed to be undone.  Until there is almost nothing left, and I am exposed, I feel bereft.  I feel like a institutionalised prisoner who has suddenly been given freedom and he's terrified.  He hated prison, but it was the known and now he's out in a world that is so changed and he feels lost.

~I'm in transition.  Joy is around the corner.  Just start pushing.~

I must press on.  I might suffer through it.  But suffering can be good.  It makes you understand.

~Just keeping on pushing~

I'm in transition.  It's not forever.  I can do it because He is with me.  "...a man of suffering, and familiar with pain".  No one has ever suffered like Him.  Jesus is with me.  Jesus is with you.

~Immanuel~

God with us.

Still enjoying the sunshine and pesky Vikings!

Well, it's another gorgeous day.  I didn't have a great start though.

Squidge has a Viking Day at school.  She has dressed up as a Viking and she had to take in Viking-like food.  One of the items was crusty bread.  So I set a loaf to bake in the bread machine whilst I went out to church group last night.  When I got back the bread hadn't risen properly and was uncooked and very yeasty in the middle.  So I got up early this morning and baked another one...then I extended the bake.  It had risen and was a lovely golden colour, but no!  It was yeasty, doughy and uncooked in the middle and in various places!  What is going on?

So of course then there's a mad dash to the local shop for some crusty bread, G can't go to work until I come back because we only have one car and he's late to pick someone up.  Finally we get everything together, set off for school for me to realise halfway there that I've forgotten the apple juice.  So we turn around...EVENTUALLY my little Viking is at school - hopefully she will enjoy her Viking dinner!

Anyway, I'm sitting here with the laptop on my knee watching the guinea pigs through the window.  I've put them on the grass for a little bit of sunshine.  They love to eat the grass - perhaps if I got enough guinea pigs we would never need to mow the lawn again.

Guinea pigs enjoying the sunshine

Of course, you-know-who turns up for a gander.  She is fascinated by them...likes to sit on top of their cage on occasion.  She doesn't seem to bother them though.

"Aha!", said Boots, "Dinner!"

"Ha, ha!" said the guinea pigs, "You can't get at us!"

So, EVEN MORE EXCITING, I have washing on the line - *sigh* it just thrills my soul.

Such a joyous sight!

One of my baskets has tiny daffodils blooming, I have two more pots which haven't yet bloomed.

Spring has sprung.

Mum brought me some daffodils from Marks & Spencer for 10p!  Bargain. :)  You can see them in the next picture, I love spring flowers, so cheery after the winter months.

On the picture below you can see various little clay pots, etc. that the girls have made for me over the years, right from the green blob on the left that Chatterbox made me in nursery.

Kitchen windowsill

Well, I'd better get ready for work!

Have a lovely day, I hope that Spring is springing near you soon! :)

It's a beautiful day...

...but it's cold!  So bitter.  But I just love these crisp days.  The sun is shining, it's frosty and fresh.  We've had some snow flurries yesterday, but today it's pretty clear.  I've hung my washing out - and as you know this brings me untold joy! LOL.  The cat is sunning herself outside, all is well with the world. :)

I've been having a clear out, which always makes me feel a bit freer somehow - less stuff I guess.  Spring is on its way, the nesting instinct is always strong at this time of year.  I'm not going to make myself overwhelming spring cleaning plans, but I will clean and organise as the mood takes me.

Have a super dooper day! :)

Jesus is holding me up

I have left the place where it is my fault that the sick aren't healed.

I have left the place of the pointing finger.

I have left the place where I am told that I continually let Jesus down, instead I have come to a place where I am told, "It is not you who is holding Jesus up"

~Jesus is holding me up~

Obedience

Not long after I left my old church I broke down in the bathroom.  Lol, G came rushing in to see what was wrong, he thought I'd fallen over.  But I'd suddenly realised how I had managed to allow a man to put himself in the place of Christ in my life.  I had set him up on a pedestal, a pedestal that belongs only to Christ.  I was distraught.  G on the other hand was just relieved I'd not injured myself. :)

Oh my did I repent though, I was devastated.  I had allowed another to mediate my relationship with God, thus I had almost turned my back on the real mediator - Jesus.  The One Who had died for my freedom, the One Who loves me gently and with eternal care, the King of Kings Who made Himself a servant - chose to make Himself like the lowest of the low and washes my feet.  So very unlike the leadership style I had seen in the church.

~Why did I not see it?~

I had always been told that I must obey a leader (as per Hebrews 13:17) and if he is incorrect God will tell the leader and instead of disagreeing we must go along with what they say trusting that God will correct them.  I was told that if I submit then God will protect me because a leader is my 'covering'.

~But, the only One who covers us is Christ. ~

I soon learned though that even if scripture seemed to disagree with what was being taught, and I had that 'check' in my spirit that made me uneasy with a teaching, I was still expected to follow the teaching.  So in reality I was following a man rather than God.

But Peter and John replied, "Judge for yourselves whether it is right in God's sight to obey you rather than God. ~Acts 4:19

Many will claim to speak for God, Jesus told us that many would claim to come in His name. But, no man should take the place of God in my life, no man should claim that he hears God for me if I don't too have the same conviction.

“This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel

after that time,” declares the Lord.

“I will put my law in their minds

and write it on their hearts.

I will be their God,

and they will be my people

No longer will a man teach his neighbour,

or a man his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’

because they will all know me,

from the least of them to the greatest,”

declares the Lord. ~ Jeremiah 31:33-34

Leaders do have an important role in ensuring that chaos doesn't reign in the church, to lead the flock by example as one who serves rather than lords it over them, and to always encourage the brethren to grow into maturity by encouraging them to pray, read the scriptures [encouraging gently though, gently, gently, it's not a competition or a measure of spirituality], and the most important of all - to love and know God deeper .

~A true leader?~

A true Christian leader leads by pointing to Christ not to themselves...

Another day to be myself

And the sun is shining... :)

Boots looking a bit one-eyed, I must have caught her halfway through a blink. :)

Here's a little quote to think about:

"Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves." 

~ Dale Carnegie

Have a lovely day.

Happy Homemaker Monday - 4th March 2013

Visit Sandra for more HHM posts

The Weather:
Sunny, but cold.  I've actually got some washing hanging outside on the line, which always makes me happy!

Right now I am:
Drinking some Coke and eating Cadbury Twirl Bites - Mmmmm *dribble*.  I might make myself a coffee in a minute, G broke our coffee jug last week and the replacement finally came today. Huzzah!

Thinking:
That I might just get to do some gardening this week, and also that I need to go out and check whether my washing has dried and do some ironing. :)

On my reading pile:
Haha do you really want to know?  Well here's a picture:

Well, there's various Bibles...but bookwise I am reading The Mermaids Singing by Val McDermid - it's a crime thriller.  I'm reading How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie - which someone from church lent me.  Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere - again lent to me by someone from church, but I'm struggling to finish it, I'm not sure it's for me.  Me and My Big Mouth by Joyce Meyer - I've almost finished it, but have slowed down due to the amount of books I've got going on.  On my Kindle I'm reading How to be Assertive in Any Situation by Sue Hadfiled and Gill Hasson.

The other books you can see in the picture is the Power of Praying collection by Stormie OMartian - I dip into this every so often.  Effortless Change by Andrew Womack - Mum's lent me it.  Why Pro-life by Randy Alcorn - G brought it home from work.  The Book of Common Prayer - I'm dipping into it for the Lenten prayers and scriptures.  Light for My Path - scriptures for every situation, sent to me ages ago by my bloggy friend Michele.  Domestic Tranquility: A Brief Against Feminism by F. Carolyn Graglia.

I bet you're glad I shared all that aren't you ;)

On my TV:
Ooooh, new season of CSI.
Person of Interest
Rev series 1 so funny

Favourite blog post this week:

It's not a post from this week, but I read it this week :)  It's Answering the Question of Suffering Without Words by Jennifer Fulwiler, I have some thoughts on suffering myself, but I will perhaps share that another time. Jennifer Fulwiler is a atheist to Catholic convert and I always enjoy reading her thoughts on various topics.  Here's a quote:

"And so when we are asked "Where is your God when people suffer?" and we can't seem to find the right words, the crucifix provides its own, wordless response: He is right here, suffering with us."

Yes, Christ understands because He has suffered it all, has been tempted by it all.  He understands.

Something fun to share:
Haha, Taylor Swift I Knew You Were Trouble (Goat Edition), really made me and G chuckle:


On the menu for this week:

In no particular order:

Chicken in white wine sauce and rice
Pork loin steaks
Lasagne
Salmon
...and then I go shopping

On my to-do list:
Ironing
Clean kitchen floor
Clean bathroom and toilet

What I am sewing, knitting, creating:
Nothing, the only thing creative I've been doing recently is writing.

Homemaking tips:
If you're feeling overwhelmed it's amazing what 5 minutes tidying in each room, working your way round the house, can do to improve your sanity.

Looking around the house:
Spilt guinea pig food I've found at the back of a cupboard, G playing Medal of Honour on the Wii (he's off work sick with a flu-bug), sunlight filtering through the living room curtains heralding spring!

From the camera:

Sneaky crocus that I never planted has appeared - a lovely surprise.

On my prayer list:
A friend who has difficult family issues to deal with.
My mum
My granddad
G and his flu-bug

Bible verse / Devotional:
"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." Luke 7:47

Lord let me be filled with gratitude for your love and forgiveness towards me.  I have sinned much, but I have been forgiven much too.  Let me offer a response of love towards You Lord, but also towards those whom I might otherwise look down upon because of their sins, instead remembering that I have been forgiven much and therefore I ought to love much.  Let my gratitude overflow with mercy. Amen.

Comments again

There are a few suggestions as to why the embedded comment format is not working on some blogs.

One is your browser does not support this format - my Firefox browser works fine but others may not, this post Trouble Shooting Comments for Blogger suggests that problems may be due to the broswer as embedded comments "does require that users have modern browsers and that they have 3rd Party Cookies enabled in their browser."

Second is that some HTML code on your blog is interfering somehow - I've deleted the HTML for my blog background to see if that helps.

Soooo, I'm going to change to full page comments to see if that helps, I prefer embedded comments because you can created better threads, but I don't want to prevent comments getting through...I LOVE comments :) plus I don't generally get huge threads on my blog so it's not like replies will get lost or anything.

But, if you are having trouble commenting on blogs that use embedded comments either update your browser, enable third party cookies, or click onto the title of the post to bring up the whole post and find the comment form.

Are comments working now that I've changed the settings?

Comments

Has anyone had any trouble commenting on my blog recently? A couple of people have mentioned trouble commenting.

If you can't leave a comment you can email me - just click 'View my profile' under 'About Me' and my email address is on my profile.

Thanks. :)

Being all we were created to be

My longest bloggy friend Michele shared a quote on her lovely new blog Our Daily Work, in her post 'Becoming Yourself':

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” — Anna Quindlen

This is so important.

There can be so many voices in our lives telling us who we ought to be to make us 'perfect': the preacher/pastor at church, our family, articles written by fellow Christians, magazines, TV, etc. But what we really need to ask is - who was I created to be? If we try to be like someone else, or to be what someone else thinks we should be, we forget our Creator intended us to be ourselves! Even right down to the colours we love, songs we enjoy, our sense of humour, the skills we possess.

I was thinking this when reading a book about the different kinds of fish there are with my youngest (I know even fish can cause me to think deep philosophical thoughts - ;) LOL). The variety of fish is amazing, some are beautiful, some are plain, some are downright weird looking - but they're all amazing. If that is how God created the little (or big!) fish then how much more variety there must be amongst us humans! :)

Another thought - the Greek word translated 'perfect' (telios), like when Jesus told us to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect, actually means perfect as in 'complete' or 'fullness' - i.e. we should be all that we are meant to be just as God is all that He is meant to be. I love that.  I always imagined it meant perfect as in without fault, but really it means full and complete.  Being all we were created to be.

Who did God create you to be?  What do YOU enjoy doing?  What makes your heart sing?  When you were a child what activities did you enjoy the most?  What colours are your eyes drawn to?  What books do you read over and over? What scriptures particularly feed your soul?

This is all part of you.  Every human hears the call of heaven in their hearts, it is that which draws us to beauty and to love.  We were created in the image of God, we were created to show every aspect of our Creator.  In this messed up world it has become distorted, but Jesus has set us free to be made complete, to be the fullness of all God intended us to be, to be beautifully different every single one of us.